Lubblubbdiedie's Journals

Hey Everybody!!! Panic fans!

Yeah so freaking awsumness! Check out panic! at the disco's site. There's some new stuff on it. :) http://www.panicatthedisco.com/ lol it helps a bit with the anticipation for their new album.

~Steph

WTF IS BEAUTY?!

What "God" are you to judge who's beautiful and who isn't? I beg you, show me true beauty that is universal and infinite. I believe beauty is in no one and in everyone. I see beauty as an emenating persona that embraces a person who truly shows beauty on their inside. Why is a conforming "style" considered beautiful? Beauty is not the superficiality that blinds and corrupts everything that differentiates human beings.

Eyes see at skin level.
Beauty goes beyond the skin.

~Stephanie

Harem Take The Harlot

We're singing these lies
Living these stories
Flying with stars
Immersed in fake glory

Oh living in this world of cliche
Get on your knees and pray
That your love won't walk away
Cause here in our world
You're the guy and she's the girl
But she'll leave you in a day
If you can't pay

Let's steal a spot for light to shine
Cheap imitation to live refined

And we're singing these lies
Living these stories
Flying with stars
Immersed in fake glory

But it's the latest style
To hang on his arm and smile
Like every other wife for a while
But when he leaves oh dear don't cry
There's really just no use to try
You made it down the aisle
Now time to crank out that vial

And when at last life you recall
There's really no better than to fall
Get on your knees and crawl
You can't escape it
You can't escape it

Let's steal a spot for light to shine
Cheap imitation to live refined

And we're singing these lies
Living these stories
Flying with stars
Immersed in fake glory

Intensify

Oh we're dreaming, screaming
These lies
Intensify
These lives we falsify

She walks in everyday
Cursing the life she's made
She's hiding her scars, hoping they fade
But they never really go away

She cries tears alone in the night
"When will things ever be right?"
She's blinded she can't see the light
The story of how she dies

Oh we're dreaming, screaming
These lies
Intensify
These lives we falsify

And when she lays awake in bed
All the thing's going through her head
Are numbers counting tears she's shed
Wishing she could only be dead oh

Oh we're dreaming, screaming
These lies
Intensify
These lives
These lives we falsify

Grace These Sophomore Suicides

This time around
We're burning under fire
The heat of adolescence
Sparking up our lives a mess
Victims of teenage distress
Woah when will we get to shine?

We're holding onto dreams
Three more years it seems
Till we're flying on the wings
Of change we're anticipating
Singing out confessions
Showing true expression

Oh we're breaking under pressure
Slitting wrists and drinking through the nights
Listening to the adults fight
And they wonder why we cause them fright
Come on, come on
We'll make it through
If only they knew

We're holding onto dreams
Three more years it seems
Till we're flying on the wings
Of change we're anticipating
Singing out confessions
Showing true expression

And we're falling. Falling faster.
Gracing them with suicides
Forgetting how to breathe
Replacing breath with tears
Spitting out these lies
So they don't find out why

We're holding onto dreams
Three more years it seems
Till we're flying on the wings
Of change we're anticipating

Dinner With Doubt

Give up! Give up!
(Oh no no no no)
Oh no I'm not giving up
Your words mean nothing to bring me down
Just watch! Just watch!
Someday I will be at the top
You'll be seeing my name all around

You told me no, Oh no
You'll never make it
Not in this world uh uh
You don't have what it takes
But now just look at me
Never where you'll be
Where I stand and where you stand oh
You'll never bring me down

Give up! Give up!
(Oh no no no no)
Oh no I'm not giving up
Your words mean nothing to bring me down
Just watch! Just watch!
Someday I will be at the top
You'll be seeing my name all around

Haha you laughed in my face
But oh who's laughing now?
So now let's pick up the pace
Uh huh
Don't you see that you
Never really
Had all that impact on me
Because in reality
I'm screaming screaming screaming
Oh no no no

Give up! Give up!
(Oh no no no no)
Oh no I'm not giving up
Your words mean nothing to bring me down
Just watch! Just watch!
Someday I will be at the top
You'll be seeing my name all around

You'll never bring me down

not a poem but pretty funny

haha lawlligaggurrzness.

so i posted my poem like everywhere. i've like made my mark on a whole bunch of buzznet forums. i find it pretty entertaining. oh and all the people that see my stuff everwhere are like mad at me or annoyed by me. and i find it amusing. lol. yea. my main motive? get the word out. and in time i'll have a name for myself. im aspiring to be what i want to be. and when i'm finally a published author and or poet. or if i'm a lyricist to some hot new band. or i don't know. someday i'm just going to flip out even more when i explain my first tactic was to spam buzznet with my poetry XP lol.

~Stephanie

Outside These Walls

Outside these walls,
Genocide raids the streets
Suicide hangs from her windowsill
A beating in that other house with no one to notice
Meals scraped from the wrapping of trashcans
Hell breaks loose outside these walls.

Confined in the safety of ivory boundaries
Doors locked for security
And in no possession shall there be a key
Protected from the world
Sheltered from the truth
Lies unfurled
An act played to fool her

Youth seems her friend in the eyes of elders
Maturity too precious for her young hands
Honesty too dear a gift for someone her age
Every minute of ignorance sidled behind,
Reprimanded by more lies uttered
Smothered by "protection" of her blood line

Families in crisis
Parents divorced in a peace charade
Mother in another place
Father out to war
Always worrying if he'll ever make it home
Always wondering if mother's okay
A sister who's father is not her own
A sister who's never there
Left in this institution forcibly called "home"
With the enemies of care
Those who hate and neglect the child inside her

Never physical, always mental
Pressure to mature but never accepted
Overwhelming loneliness to the girl
The want to go away and never come "home"
To wash away all the bad in a rain storm
Watching through windows as her "family" smiles
Convincing her she's wrong
Telling her she's worthless
Showing her a reflection not her own
She is not the person she was told she is

Breathing in the fumes of scorn
Yelling, screaming, a slap in the face
And a child. Alone.
In a blended family with none of her kin
But those of the other merrily sneering at the girl
She's found an opening in her high fences
A release of joy as she's found her sanctuary
A place to hide from the abuse
A place to reveal her true colours

And in the time of new glory,
She's shut down
Shot in the heart as she is forced in her asylum
Bleeding out the triumph she held for a short time
A numbing sensation replacing the hurt
She's found her answer

Her friends under the impression she's fine
Her letters to her father plastered with false words
Encouraging to the soldier at war
But not when her stepmother writes out her version of "truth"
Not when all those in her household contradict her prose
Oh, but she doesn't cry as her heart turns cold
Realizing nobody's there for her to embrace
She's alone and shards of her heart fall gradually
Toward a meadow of angel hair and baby's breath

And when her father returns
As does her mother and sisters
Her "family" removed from her life
All seems fair until the tale continues
And many times over, when the pain seems finished
It returns. Again. and Again. and Again.
The cycle never ending
"It will get better" a promise unfulfilled
Her sister's father abusive and deranged
Her father's wife psychotic and determined
Money scarce living in a land of dignity and wealth
Aware of the life style difference between the two

And when her grandfather unlearns her name
And dies of forgetful memories
Her sister forges a new life
One she shouldn't choose
And the girl weeps
She's supposedly hidden from the pain
And yet she feels the stab
She always knows
She hears the whispers in the house
She sees the shadows creeping up the walls
She smells the scent of problematic demons

She's too old for games
She's still too young for truth
She knows what she's not permitted to know
Tainted in distress as she can not be trusted
Disappointed in the bonds of blood
She has no ties for she is secluded in her barrier
There's no use for the attempt
To try to break through
She is forever a child
Suffocated in the clutch of excruciating vigil

In her years still young
She welcomes death
She does not openly invite death in
But she does not barricade her doors against death's persistent wishes
And when death takes her she will embrace him
For her heart is shattered
And her feelings numb
And even as she feels the way she does
She widens her eyes
Taking in what she can while confined within her walls

~Stephanie

Beckoning Addiction

Oh the addiction beckons me

Let's strike the match

And kindle a fire

Embers like fireflies dancing in the night

Let's forge a love

Lie to ourselves

Put on this play

Of you and me

You be the king, I'll be the Queen

Make up, costumes, a script in the making

Oh the addiction beckons me

Love like a drug

Have a bit and I want more

A longer, stronger dose

But our love's no secret

Because everyone knows

But they're not VIP

Like you and me

Oh the addiction beckons me

Demanding my slurred presense

Love our obsession

How to prove it exists

Thrashing fists and hits

That's the way to go

Lust over love

Because love is an addiction and oh it beckons me

Could you ever love me too?

Maybe someday you'll love me like i love you...

I'm petrefied

Everytime I stare in your eyes

My soul is frozen and I realize

You're too far out of reach

Because I'm so lost

To be the one for you

And in finding me

You'll never see

All that I can be

Because I'm pushing you away

Further from myself

Further from who I am

I'm lengthening the distance

And you're forgetting my existence

I'm forcing the resistance

Leaving you to erase me

Before you remember

What we could be

And when I have the fellows falling

Their hearts pouring and fears crawling

It's always their "love" they're calling

Why would you be any different?

Because I'm your friend?

Apparently that's all I ever am

I never thought I'd feel for you

The way I do

But all I say is true

I want to be the love you run to

I wish I could be more

If only for a moment I could call you mine

I've been waiting

Always debating

Whether this lie I'm creating

Is even worth the restraint

If I confessed my feelings

Would I be free?

Could you ever love me too?